July 16, 2017

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By Erma Bombeck

Aunt Erma's Cope booklet: the best way to Get from Monday to Friday in 12 Days

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I'd seen them on the tube. All men ever did was sit around grabbing all the gusto they could get, eating cereal that made them champions, and having a swell time talking to a tub of butter. When they talked to their broker . . everyone listened. Even the labels in their shorts danced and had a good time. Oh, occasionally they'd run a car up the side of a mountain or slap on some after-shave and hit the ports, but mostly it was women who carried the responsibility for the entire family. And no one cared.

Fear of being alone. Were they kidding? As a woman who once named the NFL in an alienation suit, I wrote the book on loneliness. When someone cloned Howard Cosell, I'd begin to worry. Fear of loss of interest in sex (that was scarcely a problem to a couple who viewed an R-rated movie for the plot) and a fear of phobias. I slammed the book shut. It was obvious. I was late for my crisis and it had started without me. Why, I didn't have a phobia in the world. ” “Get serious,” I laughed. ” “Tell her.

When I thought about it, our marriage wasn't exactly made in heaven by a long shot. We had our disagreements. A little ventilation couldn't hurt. The McMeals advised couples to give one another room in their marriage to breathe and to develop as persons. They said couples should try to be more independent of one another. As a woman who was up to her Astroturf in football, I'd buy that. How many years had I put in trudging out to the stadium every week to endure a two-and-one-half-hour sleeping pill?

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